Twenty​-​Six and a Half

by Various Artists

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about

A tribute to the career of musical comedian, "Weird Al" Yankovic.

credits

released 14 June 2011

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Track Name: Steve Goodie - Everything You Know is Wrong
I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes

I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?"
"Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?"
"Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Al?"
I probably would have kept on guessing
But about that time we crashed into the truck

And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr

They sucked out my internal organs
And they took some polaroids
And said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go

And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the floating disembodied head of
Colonel Sanders started yelling

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
When I got a nasty papercut
And, well, to make a long story short
It got infected and I died

So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter
By the pearly gates
And it's obvious he doesn't like
The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code

Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
For all eternity
And every day he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore
Because the simple fact remains that

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
Everything you know is wrong
Track Name: Kobi LaCroix - CNR
Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man
The kind of man you'd never disrespect
He stood eight feet tall, wore glasses, and had a third nipple on the back of his neck
He ate his own weight in coal, excreted diamonds everyday
He could throw you down a flight of stairs, but you still would love him anyway
Yeah, you know you'd love him anyway

Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France with two flat tires and a missing chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry, I'm telling you the man was insane
He could rip out your beating heart, and show it to you before you died
Everyday he' make the host of Match Game give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, two hour piggyback ride, giddy up Gene

Ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser-beam eyes, Oh yeah
Oh yeah
He had his own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee
Oh yeah
Oh yeah, that was something to see, I tell ya

Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion, but he never ever told a soul
I've seen the man unhinge his jaw, and swallow a Volkswagen whole
He'd bash your face in with a shovel if you didn't treat him like a star
You could spit at the wind, or tug at Superman's cape
But Lord knows you don't mess around with CNR
No, no, no
Talkin' about CNR
Track Name: Double Down - This is the Life
I eat filet mignon seven times a day
My bathtub's filled with Perrier
What can I say
This is the life

I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood
I hire somebody to chew my food
I'm an upwardly mobile dude
This is the life

They say that money corrupts you
But I can't really tell
I got the whole world at my feet
And I think it's pretty swell

I got women lined up outside my door
They've been waitin' there since the week before
Who could ask for more
This is the life

You're dead for a real long time
You just can't prevent it
So if money can't buy happiness
I guess I'll have to rent it

Yeah, every day I make the front page news
No time to pay my dues
I got a million pairs of shoes
This is the life

I got a solid gold Cadillac
I make a fortune while I sleep
You can tell I'm a living legend
Not some ordinary creep

No way, I'm the boss, the big cheese
Yeah, I got this town on its knobby little knees
And I can do just what I please
This is the life

That's right, I'm the king, number one
I buy monographed Kleenex by the ton
I pay the bills, I call the shots
I grease the palms, I buy the yachts

One thing I can guarantee
The best things in life, they sure ain't free
It's such a thrill just to be me
This is the life
This is the life
Track Name: MC Lars - I Can't Watch This
I can't watch this. I can't watch this

My my my my TV makes me so bored
Makes me say, oh my lord
What is this garbage here?
Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears
It sucks, and that's no lie
It's about as much fun as watching paint dry
Lowers my IQ one notch
And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch

I told you homeboy... I can't watch this
Yeah, nothin' but trash and you know...
I can't watch this
Poke out my eyes, man... I can't watch this
Yo, gimme that remote control... I can't watch this

Talkin' 'bout sick shows
Tere's America's Funniest Home Videos
I can't believe my eyes
When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize
Somebody's poor old mom
Falls down off the roof, lands right on the lawn
Face first on a rake
I hear they've got it on the seventeenth take
That's funny as a kick in the crotch
And that kind of show, uh, I can't watch

Yo, I told you... I can't watch this
Change the channel now, man... I can't watch this
Yo, pass the TV Guide here, sucker... I can't watch this

Cosby Show and Rosanne
Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can
Judge Wopner, oh my
You gotta be Rainman to like this guy
Thirtysomething is alright
If you like hearing yuppies whining all night
Can't stand Twin Peaks
Wish they'd lynch those donun-eatin' freaks
Thos Siskel & Ebert bums
Oughta go home and sit on their thumbs

That's word because you know... I can't watch this
I can't watch this
Break it down!

Stop! Prime Time!
I'm pretty sure I'll be sick
If I have to watch another stupid pet trick
Or that guy with the real flat hair
That goes "woof woof woof" and waves his fist in the air
Or those weird talk shows
About Transsexual Nazi Eskimos
They're rude, crude and vile
Just for a minute let's flip down the dial
Flip, flip, flip... yeccch, I can't watch this

Stop! Cable Time!
HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV
I might like 'em more after my lobotomy
Now why did I ever pay for this junk?
I hooked up eighty channels and each one stunk
Just brainless blood and guts, and mindless T & A
It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy, it's stupid, gonna throw my set away

I can't watch this. I can't watch this
Track Name: TV's Kyle - The Check's in the Mail
Well, hey how ya doin' have a seat have a drink
Boy it's good to see you, what can I say?
Oh, sorry gotta run we'll get together again
Say, what was your name anyway?
Well we're working on the problem we'll get back to you soon
But don't try to call me I'll be in a meeting every afternoon
For a year maybe longer keep in touch
Thanks for dropping by and have a nice day

The check's in the mail - (Hey!) you're beautiful
Don't ever change (you know what I mean)
My girl will call your girl
We'll talk, we'll do lunch
Or leave a message on my machine
So baby won't you sign on the dotted line
I'm gonna make your dreams come true
The check's in the mail, would I lie to you?

Well hey wait a minute what's the matter hold on
You want me to fork over the loot?
You say you hate my guts you wanna take me to court
And you got yourself a lawyer with a three-piece suit?
Well I'm proud to say you're not the only critic of mine
So if you wanna sue me I'm afraid you're gonna have to wait in line
Take a number thanks for calling who loves you baby
Don't forget to read the fine print.
Oh, trust me!

The check's in the mail - Hey! you're beautiful
Don't ever change (you know what I mean)
Why don't you leave a message with my girl
I'll have lunch with your machine
So baby won't you sign on the dotted line
I'm gonna make your dreams come true
The check's in the mail, would I lie to you?
The check's in the mail, would I lie to you?
Track Name: Lager Rhythms - Your Horoscope for Today
Aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely
that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have
a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have
to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.

Where was I?

Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
That's your horoscope for today
Track Name: Insane Ian - That Boy Could Dance
We all used to call him Jimmy the Geek
He was a dumb-lookin', scrawny, little four-eyed freak
He never used to hang around with the guys
He'd just sit in the corner, attractin' the flies

He wasn't much to look at
He never was very bright
but at least there was one thing that he could do all right
That boy could dance

He was kind of a jerk
He was kind of a bore
but the women would scream when he walked in the door
'cause one thing I could tell you for sure
That boy could dance

Picking teams, he would always be last
He couldn't run very far,
He couldn't think very fast
If he was on your side, you'd always lose
the guy had a problem, even tying his shoes

He never passed his drivers test
He was always afraid of cars
and he had a complexion that resembled the surface of Mars
but that boy could dance

Well, his hair was a mess
and his clothes didn't fit
He smelled pretty bad, and he drooled just a bit
but you gotta admit
boy, that boy could dance

Now that boy is much older
he's got his own dance studio
He's got a teeny bopper fan club
yeah, he's got his own TV show
now he owns half of Montana
they all call him "Diamond Jim"
and you know I'd do anything if I could be just like him
'cause that boy could dance
Track Name: Raymond and Scum - One More Minute
Well I heard that you're leavin' (leavin')
Gonna leave me far behind (so far behind)
'Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your kind (aahh..)

So I pulled (I pulled) your name out (name out) of my Rolodex (oohh..)
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you (dippity dippity doo)

That's right (that's right) you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad (I'm glad) that you found somebody new
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you

I guess I might seem kinda bitter
You got me feeling down in the dumps
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love
And I have to use the self-service pumps

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't (you ain't) gonna break my heart in two
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door (yah)
Again and again and again and again and again

Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, Darlin...

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches (leeches)
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathroom in Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you

I'd rather rip my heart out of my ribcage with my bare hands
and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'till I die
Than spend one more minute with you
Track Name: MC Frontalot - Don't Wear Those Shoes
I don't care
If you wreck my car or shave off all my hair
You can go
And run your vacuum during my favorite show
And I'll let you call up folks in Europe you don't even know
Anything you want, babe, if it makes you happy

But I'm begging you down on my bended knees
Oh, honey, please don't wear those shoes
You can spend my money, you can waste my time
Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those shoes
Don't wear those shoes

It's alright
You can play your Twisted Sister every night
I suppose
You can lick the middle out of my oreos
Or start laughing while you're drinking milk so it comes out your nose
And you know I'd do anything to please you

But I'm begging you down on my bended knees
Oh, honey, please don't wear those shoes.
You can spit in my face in you're so inclined
Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those shoes

Oh, no...oh,no...oh, no, don't wear those shoes
I said oh, no...oh, no...oh, no, please don't wear those...

You could even shove a six-inch railroad spike through my head
I can learn to live with that

But now I'm begging you down on my bended knees
Oh, honey, please, don't wear those shoes
You can whip me, beat me, rob me blind
Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those...

I said oh, no...oh, no...oh, no, don't wear those shoes
I said oh, no...oh, no...oh, no, don't wear those shoes

You can scratch up my records, you can drink my booze
But baby, please don't wear those shoes
You can make me an offer I can't refuse
But darling, please don't wear those shoes
You can play your bongos while I'm trying to snooze
But honey, please don't wear those shoes
You can expose yourself on the six o' clock news
But please, please don't wear those shoes
Track Name: Dino-Mike - You Make Me
You make me wanna slam my head against the wall
You make me do the limbo
You make me wanna buy a slurpee at the mall
You make me watch the Gong Show
There's really something kinda strange about you, baby, but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

You make me wanna hide a weasel in my shorts
You make me wanna phone home
You make me wanna write a dozen book reports
Then pack myself in styrofoam
Sometimes you make me want to build a model of the Eiffel Tower out of Belgian waffles

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

You make me wanna hang out in a trailer park
Then take my hamster to the beach
You make me wanna do my laundry in the dark
And use a recommended bleach
When I'm with you I don't know whether I should study neurosurgery or go to see the Care Bears movie

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

That's what you do to me
That's what you do to me
That's what you do to me
You make me wanna break the laws of time and space
You make me wanna eat pork
You make me wanna staple bagels to my face
Then remove 'em with a pitchfork
You know there's something quite unusual about you but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do-do-do-do-do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do to me
Track Name: Worm Quartet - I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead
I don't care about your karma
I don't care about what's hip
No space cadet's gonna tell me what to do

I won't swim in your jacuzzi
You can't make me settle down
I'd rather kick and jump and bite and scratch
And scream until I'm blue

I may as well be hyper as long as I'm still around
'Cause I'll have lots of time to be laid back
When I'm six feet underground

I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead

I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead

When are you cosmic cowboys
Gonna get it through your heads?

I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead

I can't stand the smell of incense
I don't really like to jog
No Joni Mitchell 8-tracks in my car, ooh

I hate anything organic
Even health food makes me sick
You won't catch me sipping Perrier
Down in some sushi bar, I tell you

Now's the time to go for all the gusto you can grab
You'll have plenty of time to be low-key
When you're laid out on the slab

I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead

I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead

When are you cosmic cowboys
Gonna get it through your heads?

I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead

I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead

I don't want no part of that vegetarian scene
I won't buy me a pair of designer jeans
No redwood hot tub to my name
I got all that I want and if it's all the same to you

I don't need a course in self-awareness
To find out who I am
And I'd rather have a, a Big Mac or a Jumbo Jack
Than all the bean sprouts in Japan

So don't ask me what I'm into
I don't need to prove I'm cool
I'll break your arm if you ask me what's my sign

I won't tell you where my head's at
I don't need to see no shrink
Psychosis may be in this year
But I'm really not that kind

And I'm in no hurry to be casual
In fact, I think, I'll wait
Until I'm pushing up the daisies
Like wow, man, can you relate?

I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead
I'll be mellow when I'm dead
Track Name: Smashy Claw - Close But No Cigar
Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same

And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way

Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why

And I told her, I said
"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close (Close)
But no cigar"

Then I met sweet young Janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanjero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate

And I was crazy like Manson about her
She got me all choked up like Momma Cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass

I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soulmate finally
But one day I found out she actually owned a copy
Of Bio-Dome on DVD

Oh, no. I said
"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close)
Oh, so very close! (Close)
But no cigar!"

Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a Buddy Rich solo

And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to #1 on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionare
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist

Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big

I said
"Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No I don't think we are!
You're close (Close)
Yeah, yeah, you're close (Close)
Yeah, honey, you're close (Close)
So close ,bBut no cigar"

Missed it by that much! (Close)
Oh, you're close but no cigar
Track Name: mc chris - I Lost on Jeopardy
I was there to match my intellect on national TV
Against a plumber, oh and an architect, both with a PhD
I was tense, I was nervous, I guess it just wasn't my night
Art Flemming gave the answers
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right-ight-ight

I lost on Jeopardy, baby, ooh
I lost on Jeopardy, baby, ooh

Well, I knew I was in trouble now
My hope of winning sank
Oh, 'cause I got the Daily Double
And then my mind went blank
I took Potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, I'm given up Don Pardo
Just tell me now what I didn't win, yeah, yeah

I lost on Jeopardy, baby, ooh
I lost on Jeopardy, baby, ooh

[Spoken]
That's right Al -- you lost.
And let me tell you what you didn't win: a twenty set volume of the Encyclopedia International,
a case of Turtle Wax, and a years supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Fransisco treat.
But that's not all, you also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people.
You brought shame and disgrace to your family name for generations to come.
You don't get to come back tomorrow.
You don't even get a lousy copy of our home game.
You're a complete loser!

Don't know what I was thinkin' of
I guess I just wasn't to bright
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on the Price Is Right-ight-ight

I lost on Jeopardy, baby, ooh
I lost on Jeopardy, baby, ooh
I lost on Jeopardy, baby
Track Name: Steve Goodie - Dumbledore
Nothing ever ever happens in this house
Feeling shut-out, magic tricks are not allowed here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until an owl brought me the news

It said I was already enrolled
In a crazy magic school a thousand years old
So my uncle I told, “I quit this household”
And I laced up both my shoes

But he said “you’re not going anywhere
You nasty little boy with your jacked-up hair
Your aunt and I, well we really don’t care
If you rot away in your room”

But then a whole bunch of letters they arrived
So many that my uncle and aunt were horrified
And they tried to hide me, till Hagrid he surprised
’Em with a motorcycle and a brand new broom

I can't wait, no I can't wait
They say I’m gonna be a sorcerer
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to meet
Goin' to meet (Dumble) dore I'm goin', really goin' to meet
Goin' (Dum-) I'm goin' to meet (-ble) oh yes, I'm goin' to meet
Dumbledore

On the train, I met a guy named Ron
A red-headed kid and we really got along
Making stuff disappear with our magic wands
It was really really really really really really great

Then we met this girl, Hermione
Who knew every spell there is from A to Z
And we had ourselves some lunch, then unfortunately
Old Malfoy showed his face

Mean kid who likes to make trouble
When he spots anybody related to a muggle
And he calls them names, so we’re gonna burst his bubble
Before this year is through

Now the coach has started slowing down
And I’m getting off the train and I’m looking all around
And I get in a boat, and I very nearly drown
Can’t believe it’s coming true

I can't wait, no I can't wait
Hagrid open up that great big door
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to meet
Goin' to meet (Dumble) dore I'm goin', really goin' to meet
Goin' (Dum-) I'm goin' to meet (-ble) oh yes, I'm goin' to meet
Dumbledore

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to be
Goin' to meet (Dumble) dore I'm goin', really goin' to be
Goin' (Dum-) I'm goin' to be (-ble) oh yes, I'm gonna be in
Gryffindor

Would you look at all of Dumbledore’s stuff…

He’s got suits of armor, moving stairs, and ghosts who wander everywhere and
Talking pictures, headless knights, a trouble-making poltergeist and
Maps that know where people are, and fighting trees and flying cars and
Dinner plates that show up full, and cloaks that are invisible and

Magic mirrors, crystal balls, dead girls who live in toilet stalls and
Secret chambers down below where no one is allowed to go and
Giant spiders, unicorns, and chamber pots in every dorm and
Flying dragons, flying brooms, dementors when you’re feeling doomed and

Potions that’ll make you sneeze and vomit frogs incessantly
Exploding snap, cold butterbeer, Professor Snape’s acidic sneer and
Snitches, quaffles, bludgers, wands, loose prisoners from Azkaban and
Hippogriffs and blast-end skrewts and magic frogs and cats and newts and

Every flavor jelly beans, gillyweed for human submarines and
Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, and animagus rats and dogs and
Dungeons, boggarts, broken rules, patronuses, and magic duels, and
Dirty rotten Slytherin cheaters, keepers, seekers, chasers, beaters

I can't wait, no I can't wait
I’m gonna get that evil Voldemort
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to meet
Goin' to meet (Dumble) dore I'm goin', really goin' to meet
Goin' (Dum-) I'm goin' to meet (-ble) oh yes, I'm goin' to meet
Dumbledore

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to be
Goin' to meet (Dumble) dore I'm goin', really goin' to be
Goin' (Dum-) I'm goin' to be (-ble) oh yes, I'm gonna be in
Gryffindor

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to meet
Goin' to meet (Dumble) dore I'm goin', really goin' to meet
Goin' (Dum-) I'm goin' to meet (-ble) oh yes, I'm goin' to meet
Voldemort
Track Name: Nuclear Bubble Wrap - Pac-Man
I used to be a pinball freak
That's where you'd find me every week

But now it's Pac-Man
Yeah it's the Pac-Man

I love to gobble up those dots
Keep pumpin' quarters in the slots

They call it Pac-Man
Yeah it's the Pac-Man

At the game arcade, they say I'm hard core
I can play all day 'til my hands are sore
And I quit my job just to play some more
But I won't give up 'til I break high score
Pac-Man

Well it's the Pac-Man
Yeah it's the Pac-Man

Well it takes a lot of cash to play
(Pac-Man, get the cherry)
So I'm gonna sell my house today
(Pac-Man, eat 'em up)

I'm playin' Pac-Man
Yeah it's the Pac-Man

Hey mom, I won't be home this year
(Pac-Man)
Please forward all my mail right here
(Pac-Man)
I'm at the Pac-Man
Yeah it's the Pac-Man

And you're playing with no one but me
Pac-Man
Track Name: the great Luke Ski - My Baby's in Love with Jon Bermuda
Oh my baby, my baby, she don't want me no more,
Ever since she heard "Eat It" back in '84.
She says the domain Weird Al dot com is quite amazing,
And the way he handles his sticks really gets her heart a-racing.
She likes his deep brown eyes, and his dark brown hair.
Yeah, he's her favorite drummer / webmaster extraordinaire.

Well, my baby's in love with Jon "Bermuda".
She's all crazy 'bout that Jon "Bermuda".
I asked why, she said "'Cause he's a righteous dude, duh!"
'Cause my baby's in love with Jon "Bermuda".


Now every time I see him he's out shakin' hands.
With a smile and a smirk, he's meet-and-greetin' the fans.
What a pain in the butt to take on dual roles.
Watch him keeping the tempo, and destroying the trolls.
But my girl can't get enough, and it hurts my pride.
'Cause now the symbols of her love have "Zildjan" written on the side.

Well, my baby's in love with Jon "Bermuda".
She's got a thing for that Jon "Bermuda".
I might as well pack up and hop a plane to Judah.
Now my baby's in love with a-
-I said, I said, I said,
My baby's in love with Jon "Bermuda".
Head over heels for that Jon "Bermuda".
I'm a small cheese curd, and he's a hunk of Gouda.
'Cause my baby's in love with Jon "Bermuda".


I knew we were headed for disaster
When she played that Woodsy Owl song over her shoutcaster.
Her infatuation really ain't a mystery
For the web-spacing, solo-playing, fan-waving, syncopating
Drummer for the single greatest cover band in history!

Well I don't know how to make a tambourine jangle,
And I'm not tattooed on David Rossi's ankle.
And I know she thinks compared to him, I'm so lame.
But I know two can play at this kind of game.
Yeah, well, let's just see how jealous she'll get when…
…I said, when I start stalking the keyboardist Ruben!

Well, my baby's in love with Jon "Bermuda".
She's all crazy 'bout that Jon "Bermuda".
If I was Jar Jar Binks, I'd say "Howsa rude-a!"
'Cause my baby's in love with a-
-I said, I said, I said,
My baby's in love with Jon "Bermuda".
Why'd she have to fall for that Jon "Bermuda".
When it comes to the drums, he's the master golden Buddah.
'Cause my baby's in love with Jon "Bermuda"!

May the Schwartz be with you!
Track Name: Marc with a C - Good Enough for Now
Oh, I couldn't live a single day without you
Actually, on second thought, well, I suppose I could
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, honey, you're the greatest
Well, at any rate, I guess you're...pretty good

Now, it seems to me I'm relatively lucky
I know I probably couldn't ask for too much more
I honestly can say you're an above-average lady
You're almost just what I've been looking for

You're sort of everything I ever wanted
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of
Well, not really...but you're good enough for now

You're pretty close to what I've always hoped for
That's why my love for you is fairly strong
And I swear I'm never gonna leave you, darlin'
At least 'til something better comes along

'Cause you're sort of everything I ever wanted
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of
Well, not really...but you're good enough for now
No, not really...but you're good enough for now
Track Name: Shael Riley and the Double Ice Backfire - Melanie
Melanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Melanie
Why won't you go out with me

She lived across the street on the fifteenth floor of the Gilmore building
I saw her in the shower reaching for some soap
I knew she had to be the girl for me
And to think I probably never would have found her
If I hadn't bought that telescope

Oh, Melanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Melanie
Why won't you go out with me

I just can't understand it
Why won't you return my phone calls
Are you still mad I gave a Mohawk to your cat
If you'd just say the word
I'm certain that our love would last forever and ever
Or are you too dumb to realize that

Melanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Melanie
Why won't you go out with me
How can you ignore me when you know that I can't live without you
I have to go through your garbage just to learn more about you

Melanie, ooh
Oh sweet Melanie
Why won't you go out with me

You weren't impressed when I tattooed your name across my forehead
You wouldn't listen when I promised to be true
I couldn't stand it so I jumped out from the sixteenth story window
Right above you
Now I may be dead but I still love you

Melanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Melanie
Why won't you go out with me

Melanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Melanie
Why won't you go out with me

I'm singin' Melanie
What can the problem be
Sweet, sweet Melanie
Why won't you go out with me

I'm singin' Melanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Melanie
Why won't you go out with me

I'm singin' Melanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Melanie
Why won't you go out with me
Track Name: Al's Band - Al's Band
Ever wonder what it’s like in Al’s band?
Kind of complicated but we’ll tell you what we can
Lots of people ask us what goes on in Al’s band
This is our song and we’ll start where we began

Back in the beginning before we started
Al sent songs to Doctor Demento
Then met Jon who played the drums and then
He said “we should start a band“
That was the moment the fun began

They met Steve and he became the bass man
He knew Jim who played guitar and then Al had his band
Early on we did a show with Missing Persons
Playing our best but got boo’d by their fans

We cut our first album in three days
After that we knew what to do
We hit the road on tour and then we were on our way
Happy to be playing our music for you

Then before we knew it, we’d started something
We got to make our second album
That’s when Eat It was a hit and went gold
And it changed everything
We had a tour bus at our command

We dared to be stupid on plastic bovines
With ice cream pressed against our foreheads
Johnny Carson asked if we would play polkas on his tv show
We got some help from the Tonite Show band

Polka Party came and went
Featuring Christmas At Ground Zero
And it didn’t chart for too long
But it had some great songs

Then we joined a tour with the Monkees
Going on the road with Mickey Dave and Pete was neat
Even worse the album where we did the fat song
We were too thin to be in the video
UHF was next we played the film score

After that we found our keyboard man
“I am Ruben how do you do?”
We took him in and put him in a cone bra
Now he plays piano and he also plays it cool

Then we went, and jumped off of the deep end
And reached nirvana
And then came Alapalooza
Wearing our horns and silver paint just like the Chili Peppers do
Or did, when we made the Bedrock video

Canada was next in line for Al’s band
That was where we learned how to say Saskatchewan
We were getting popular outside our native land
That opened the door to a world full of fans
So we went to OZ and to New Zealand
When we did bad hair day, the Amish video
We were outstanding in our field
Then we all went, running with the scissors
The saga began and it was more than
All about, pentiums
We were featured on The Simpsons as animated characters
An honor for all of us

Never get, tired of playing in Al’s band
So much fun to play all the styles that we do
How about a solo from the drummer of the band
Take it now Bermuda don’t make it too bland
“I’ll add percussion to lend a hand”

Poodle Hat was different, with Couch Potato
Our first single without a video
But the coup de grace was Genius In France
It was tres magnifique
Al and the band were so very proud

People ask us what it’s like in Al’s band
What it’s like to be in Mr. Yankovich’s band
Then we tell them that it’s Mr. Yankovic’s band
Not a ch the c sounds just like a k

Straight Outta Lynwood we hit top ten
White And Nerdy went platinum too
We really hope that someday we might do it again
If we do we know that it’s all thanks to you
All thank you’s to you
And you’re welcome too
Come and see us play when you can
Then you can see for yourself what is
Making all of this happen
You’re the reason why we play
Haven’t told you everything we do
We’ll have to save it for part two

There’s so much to talk about with Al’s band
Pardon us for rambling it went longer than we planned
That’s a little bit of what it’s like in Al’s band
This is our song come and see us when you can

One big happy family right here in Al’s band
Now that we’ve told you we hope you understand
Why we love to play in Mister Yankovic’s band
This is our song come and see us if you can